


Major General Mace

by Zoya113



Category: Black Friday - Team StarKid, The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals - Team StarKid
Genre: M/M, Shitpost time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-04
Updated: 2020-04-04
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:20:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23474539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zoya113/pseuds/Zoya113
Summary: General Mcnamara things PEIP should get a mascot
Relationships: General Mcnamara/ Xander Lee
Comments: 8
Kudos: 38





	Major General Mace

**Author's Note:**

> So apparently different military bases get mascots and my sister’s platoon got a mascot the other week and everyone is very split on whether or not they like it and uuuh that’s very peip

“Excuse me, McNamara, I was wondering if you could-“ Schaeffer paused, glancing up from the papers in her hand. “What is that on your desk?”

“It’s Major General Mace, Schaeffer,” Mcnamara put a hand around the toy lion on his desk. “He’s our new mascot.”

“You’re fucking with me. What is that?” They had spoken about this. She and Xander had made a valiant attempt to persuade him out of it.

“You heard me, Colonel. And you will respect him.” He placed the toy lion back down in his chair, his fingers running through its mane. 

She scoffed, almost laughing. “Respect him? He’s a toy, I don’t have to respect him.” 

“Well he’s also a General Major, Schaeffer, so watch your mouth,” he pointed his pen at her. “Now what were you asking about?” 

She placed the papers down on his desk for him to sign as she took a closer look at the toy lion. 

“You wanna hold him?” He asked, watching out of the corner of his eye.

“No. Of course I don’t. Since when did PEIP need a mascot?” She cleared her throat. 

“Well I think it’ll boost morale!” He passed the papers back, capping the pen again between his teeth. “We’ll bring him to ceremonies, the new private’s bivs.”

“What? You’re bringing him camping? What if it rains? That’s going to be so much preparation.”

“We’ll make him a fly, it’ll keep him safe. Look. You don’t have to worry about him, Schaeffer. The General Major will be just fine,” he assured her. 

“How much did this cost? I thought we told you we weren’t getting a mascot.” They had argued over this for ages. The idea of a mascot had been in his head since he was a Captain. 

“Well I did. I’m the General and I can get a mascot if I want,” he shrugged. 

There was more to it, she could tell. She squinted, glaring at the lion. “When you die and I work my way up to become a General my first order of business will be throwing that thing in the trash!” She promised. 

“Schaeffer! You seem mad! Sure you don’t wanna just hold him?” He put the toy back up on the table, holding it out. “It might make you feel better.” 

“I’m not mad, I’m just bothered you bought a mascot even when we-“ she stopped, her hands dropping to her side. “Xander let you do this. Didn’t he?” 

McNamara snickered and turned back to his computer. “That’s classified, Schaeffer.”

———————————————————

The sound of boots stomping down the halls was a common sound in PEIP, so Xander wasn’t actually worried until the door was almost swung off its hinges. 

“You!” Came a shout. 

He spun around. “Schaeff,” he greeted. “What’re you shouting for?” 

“You went back on your promise!” She stormed across the room to push him up to the wall. “And don’t call me Schaeff!” She managed to put in. 

“What’s all this about?” That’s a lie. He knew exactly what this was about. He held a hand to her arm so that she wouldn’t accidentally crush him. 

She finally let go of his collar, taking a step back. “We said we weren’t gonna let him get a mascot. I thought you were on my side!” 

“What’s the harm, Schaeff? Let him have his fun.”

“The harm? The harm is that McNamara gets carried away, and now that we’ve let him get a mascot soon he’ll be doing who knows what!”

Xander put his hands on his hips. “Like what?” 

She choked on her words. “I don’t know, but we’ll see soon enough!” She declared. 

“Are you just mad because-“

“Shut up.” 

“Because you wanted it to be an eagle?” 

Her shoulders slumped and she crossed her arm, biting down on her lip with an uncharacteristic whine. “Yeah I wanted it to be an eagle!” She groaned. “Not that I want a mascot, I’m just saying that if we really have to have one-!”

Xander nodded. “Okay, I get it. I get it. Will you excuse me for a sec?” He sidestepped her to head off to the door. 

“Where’re you going, Lee?” She spun around, watching him hurry off. “Are you going to go tell Mcnamara?” 

At that, Xander broke into a sprint. 

“Hey! Get your ass back here!”  
—————————————————————————

McNamara expected Xander to cop some of the blame, but he didn’t expect Schaeffer to chase him down the hall and barrel into his office in search of him. 

“Xander, stop running you coward. How much have you told him?” Her chest was heaving, her hair already loose from its do and her eyes wild with anger like she was a wild animal. 

“I haven’t said a word!” He held his hands up in defence. 

McNamara shot a glance between the colonel in the doorway and the man clinging onto his chair. “What’s going on?”

“It’s nothing, General. I’m very sorry to bother you, Lee, let’s take this outside.” She pointed to the hallway. 

“Schaeffer hates the new mascot,” Xander spilled, bracing himself for Schaeffer to launch at him. 

“We’ll we knew that,” McNamara nodded. 

“Xander Lee, don’t,” Schaeffer growled, her face growing red.

“Because she thinks an eagle would be cooler.”

“Xander!” 

Mcnamara held out a hand to stop Schaeffer lunging forward. “Is that true, Schaeffer?” 

She grabbed onto his arm for a second to balance herself before dropping it. “Well I mean if I have to defend myself, an eagle is far more relevant to PEIP than a lion.”

“The lion is about the values, Schaef!” Xander declared.

McNamara stepped between the two like he was trying to tear apart a fight before iteven started. “I think he’ll just take some getting used to, Colonel Schaeffer.” He picked up the toy lion in his other arm.

“I just think a mascot shouldn’t be our biggest worry right now.” 

“I just think you’ve been a little stressed lately,” McNamara continued, running his hands through the toy lion’s mane. “Maybe you just need to settle in with him, huh?” He handed the lion over. “You wanna hold him?” 

She begrudgingly accepted, instinctively pulling it to her chest. 

“That feel better?” Xander asked, and he couldn’t tell if he was teasing or asking genuinely. 

she buried her head into its mane for a second. “Yeah. Just a little bit.” 

“See? You’ll get used to him.” 

“I just don’t get why he had to be a Major General. That’s so specific. It’s like you were trying to cut me out of this,” she added, half her face hidden by the toy. 

“That has nothing to do with it. There was no reason. I promise.”

Xander leant over McNamara’s chair. “It was just to spite Brigadier Savant,” he snorted, 

McNamara scratched his chin, sighing. Maybe he shouldn’t have told Xander that. “She was more adamant about not getting a mascot than you. She was actually trying to order me around.”

“You hold some scary grudges, General,” Schaeffer exhaled, loosening her grip on the toy. 

“So you’re on good terms with General Major Mace now?” Mcnamara gave her a pat on the back just to test if she was still heaving and at risk of assaulting Xander. “Yeah?”

She gave a small nod, sinking back into the lion’s mane. “I still think it should’ve been an eagle.”


End file.
